Some time ago my wife and I found ourselves in a dilemma.
We rarely have arguments and I wouldn’t characterize this as one. It was, however, an upset. Hurt feelings, frustration, misunderstandings and ego all played their roles.
We’ve been together for many years and have worked through many of the challenges of any marriage including blended families, teenagers, illnesses, money problems and the like. We feel blessed to have a compatible, supportive and loving relationship, but it wasn’t just given to us, we worked for it.
So it was a bit surprising for us to find ourselves in the midst of an issue that didn’t appear resolvable. We were at a loss to even accurately describe what the issue was.
We do know that people rarely fight about what they THINK they’re fighting about. Knowing this, we still found ourselves stuck. We both expressed our inadequacy to find a way through the quagmire while at the same time realizing that this issue was keeping us from our steadfast commitment to constantly improve our marriage and ourselves.
At several points we were tempted to chalk it up to a case of Mars versus Venus and two different people having different and conflicting needs and wants.
But we kept talking. We kept asking questions. We applied Steven Covey’s principle: “Seek first to understand”. It wasn’t always easy but we kept digging.
And then it happened.
Staring us in the face was the beautiful truth. Not the ugly truth. Not the bitter truth—just the truth. It was something that didn’t even seem all that related to what we THOUGHT the issue was. It was something two intelligent, dedicated people had failed to see in almost twenty years of living and loving together.
We both felt several pounds lighter. We started breathing easier. Our faces brightened and we felt not just relieved but joyful.
You may want to know what it was, but it doesn’t really matter. It’s too personal and it wouldn’t really add anything to this story.
The point is, the upset, the breakdown, was the catalyst for the breakthrough.
And this is true in all relationships—whether they are intimate, business, social or relationships between countries.
What’s key is having trust in the other party, having some shared values and having a commitment to seeing things through.
With these things as the foundation, a relationship can withstand and even grow through any controversy that arises. What appear as breakdowns can lead to breakthroughs.
Best Life Awareness: An upset is an opportunity to see the truth.
If you look for it.
Recommended Reading . . .
How to Uncover Your Compelling Core Values: The Foundation for Living Your Best Life
Your best life requires the uncovering of these values, getting clear on what they are and why they matter to you.
Without these Compelling Core Values, you’re building on sand instead of bedrock. This book takes you step by step through the core values process. It shows you exactly why this process is so valuable and then how to discover your top five core values, their hierarchy, and what they truly mean to you.
