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Fear (6th in a 10-part Series

“Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live.”

—Dorothy Thompson

Number Six of The Top Ten Reasons Good People Don’t Always Win is fear.

Objectives for this lesson:

  • Understand your fears better
  • Examine the fears that keep you from winning
  • Look closely at your fear of failure
  • Re-frame failure

Main Premises

  • Everyone has fears—but most are unfounded
  • Fear CAN be your friend. Fear can teach you. Fear can keep you from doing stupid stuff—But mostly it runs you
  • Fear isn’t something your mind possesses; it possesses your mind.
  • Fears are very sneaky
  • To fully embrace your dreams, you MUST confront your fears

Top Fears
According to some recent studies, these are the top fears people say they have:

  1. Flying
  2. Public speaking
  3. Heights
  4. Darkness
  5. Intimacy
  6. Death
  7. Failure
  8. Rejection
  9. Spiders
  10. Commitments

Number 7 and 8 are closely related, and keep more good people from winning than anything else.

Fear of failure is the biggest killer of big dreams. But not having a goal is much more to be feared than not reaching one. All successful people have failed—usually many times. It’s part of being successful.

From the book (and movie) Dune . . .

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”

—Frank Herbert

Identify Your Fears
What are you afraid of? What are your demons? I recommend you write your fears out. Bring them out into the light of day. The mere act of writing them down seems to make them smaller and less scary.

A fear named is a fear half slain.

Most Helpful Questions
What’s the worst that can happen? What’s the worst-case scenario? Exaggerate that worst-case scenario in your mind because it rarely can be that bad. But once you can accept the worst, you can face your fear with courage.

One more question that should get you thinking . . . What would you do if you weren’t afraid?

Re-frame Failure
The fear of failure keeps many people from getting excited about their dream—or from even trying. It’s the biggest killer of big dreams.

But not having a goal is much more to be feared than not reaching one.

All successful people have failed—usually many times. It’s part of being successful.

From there you can make a game-plan to overcome them. But as long as they’re in the dark and undefined, they have the potential to overwhelm you.

“A belief is not merely an idea the mind possesses;
it is an idea that possesses the mind.”

—Robert Bolton

The road to success is paved with disappointment. Losers call it failure; but winners call it feedback.

We have to reframe the whole idea of failure. It really is part of achieving goals. We need to get comfortable with failing (learning).

Fail fast and fail often (more feedback)
Ben Zander, in his book, Radiating Possibility, says that when we make a mistake, we should say, “how fascinating!” Because the more you fail, the more feedback you get. And the more efforts you make, the higher the chances of you having success more quickly.

Mistakes are missed-takes. Like the director of a movie making the actors perform many ‘takes’ until he’s happy with the result. And much like Hollywood, the best life movie we’re creating can have many takes as well.

Thomas J. Watson, the founder of IBM, said, “If you want to succeed, double your failure rate.”

And with sufficient desire, you can handle the challenges of failure and setbacks. I like what Willie Jolley says, too: “A setback is a setup for a comeback.”

The important thing here is that in addition to having a clear goal, you also have a goal that inspires and motivates you.

Having a clear and powerful Why can do that. Your big Why can overcome whatever fears you have.

You need to be truly excited about your goals. Get fired up. Enthusiasm is contagious. Because if you’re not excited about your goal, you can’t expect anyone else to be. And big goals need other people. In fact, if you think you can accomplish your goal entirely by yourself, I submit that your goal probably isn’t big enough.

“He who has a Why to live for, can bear almost any How.”

—Friedrich Nietzsche

What we must do is to live out of our hopes and dreams rather than out of our fears.

In your life, either fear wins or freedom wins. Choose freedom.

  • Resources
    The Best Life Navigator™ launches soon. It allows you to keep your personal and professional growth front and center. It has the tools you need for your success—all in one place. The Navigator is uniquely designed to help you . . .

    • better understand yourself
    • create your best life
    • challenge yourself
    • track your progress
  • Stay close to SuccessNet. We’ve been helping people and companies grow and prosper for nearly 20 years. Because if you consistently work on improving yourself, you will become someone who attracts success in all areas.

Take Action

  1. List everything you fear
  2. Pick one to eliminate
  3. Make a plan to eliminate it—and execute that plan

Please Tell Us What You Think
I’ve published this article and the previous ones here on my Blog. Please add your comments, questions and suggestions at the bottom of the post. Your feedback and engagement is important. If you disagree with anything, say so. If you have questions, ask. If you have additional insights or resources, please share. I promise to read every one. Thank you.

BTW, you’ll gain even greater value from this series if you have a copy of my book, The Achievement Code: The 3C Formula for Getting What You Truly Want (available in print or Kindle). Details at www.TheAchievementCode.com

Previous installments of this series are located here on my Blog.

  1. Insufficient Desire
  2. Lack of—or Erroneous—Beliefs
  3. Confusion, Lack of Clarity
  4. Lack of Focus and Concentration
  5. Inadequate Support

F-E-A-R has two meanings:

1. Forget Everything And Run, or

2. Face Everything And Rise.

The Choice is Yours!

Inadequate Support (5th in a 10-Part Series)

“You can do anything as long as you have the passion,
the drive, the focus, and the support.”

—Sabrina Bryan

Many people feel very much alone on the road to success. And some people actually are. But it doesn’t have to be that way. You don’t have to go it alone. In fact, trying to go it alone is a fool’s errand.

Whether you own your own business or work for someone else, you need to have the right kind of support to be successful. Just like a table needs legs and a house needs a foundation, you need to be supported in living your best life.

Do you have the support you need? Are you sure?
Do you know what areas of your support system that need shoring up?
Do you know how to get the help you need?

In addressing this issue, I have the following major premises:

1. If you can accomplish your goal by yourself, you probably don’t have a big enough goal.

2. Everything is easier with help and support—and more fun, too.

3. Having a team increases your confidence and allows you to think bigger.

4. There’s no need to re-invent the wheel.

And these are what I see as the biggest enemies of having sufficient support:

1. Pride, arrogance 

2. Stubbornness

3. Not realizing how important proper support is.

4. Having a “Maverick Complex”

5. Not knowing where to turn

6. Thinking you can’t afford it

Any one of these things can hold you back, and even stop you from creating the support network you need and want.

Our purpose here at SuccessNet is to help great people and great companies to become even better. We exist to support you in being your best. So we are all about support and have been for almost 20 years.

The Inner Circle
Our Inner Circle program provides training, one-on-one access to me and a connection to a powerful network of great people. You can find out more about The Inner Circle here . . .

Delegation
Delegating some of your work load to others is one of the simplest ways to create support. It’s not always easy at first because many times those you delegate to will not do things as well as you do. But it’s essential to leveraging yourself.

Having a personal assistant is most likely the first best step. And this might seem a bit strong, but you either have an assistant or you are one.

Master Mind Teams
You can form your own Master Mind Team. A master mind team is simply a small group of people who band together to help each other achieve their goals. For more info on this very powerful strategy, re-read the chapter on The Master Mind in Think and Grow Rich.

Hire a Coach
Every single successful person I’ve ever studied had a mentor—in many cases, several. Professional athletes have coaches. Why shouldn’t you? Feel free to contact me if you are interested in me coaching you in creating your best life.

Board of Directors
If you own a small business, I strongly urge you to have an active board of directors—or at least an advisory board. People are glad to help by providing their experience, perspective and collective wisdom.

Reserves
Having reserves gives you much more confidence and less chance for fear. Things like cash, good credit, a pre-approved credit line. Budgeting more time than you think you will need is another way to build up reserves.

The important thing is to bolster your life and your endeavors with reserves.

Tools
Having the tools you need, the machinery that’s required and the equipment you want to do the job right is all part of the support game. Buy, rent or borrow what you need to get things done.

Your Environment
The people and things around you have a profound impact on you and your ability to achieve. You must take charge of who and what you allow into your life. And you cannot afford to have negative people and unsupportive physical environments drag you down.

Professional Support Team
Be sure you have access to attorneys, accountants and industry-specific experts.

Lifelong Learning
The knowledge and wisdom you possess is an integral part of your support network. What you know and what you learn are powerful confidence and support builders. Commit to lifetime learning and never-ending improvement. Because the biggest room in the world is the room for improvement.

“You can’t learn less.”

—Bucky Fuller

I’ve seen far too many well-intentioned, hard-working, sincere people struggle and even fail because they were unaware or didn’t pay close enough attention to creating and maintaining a winning support system.

Take a hard, honest look at your support system—or lack thereof. Having great support positions you for winning. Not having it sets you up for losing. It’s that simple.

Resources
The Best Life Navigator™ launches soon. It allows you to keep your personal and professional growth front and center. And it’s uniquely designed to provide you with full support at your fingertips. It has the tools you need for your success—all in one place.

Action Steps

1. Identify your top 3 areas of support to improve

2. List 3 action steps you will take to do so

3. Take those steps

If you would like to explore any of these strategies in more depth, we are happy to help. Please contact us via our Help Desk.

Stay tuned for the next installment of The Top 10 Reasons Good People Don’t Always Win. You’ll receive it in the next few days. Do you have a guess as to what might be the next of the Top 10 Reasons?

Please Tell Us What You Think
I’ve published this article and the previous one here on my Blog. Please add your comments, questions and suggestions at the bottom of the post. Your feedback and engagement is important. If you disagree with anything, say so. If you have questions, ask. If you have additional insights or resources, please share. I promise to read every one. Thank you.

BTW, you’ll gain even greater value from this series if you have a copy of my book, The Achievement Code: The 3C Formula for Getting What You Truly Want (available in print or Kindle). Details at www.TheAchievementCode.com

Previous installments of this series are located here on my Blog.

1. Insufficient Desire

2. Lack of—or Erroneous—Beliefs

3. Confusion, Lack of Clarity

4. Lack of Focus and Concentration

The Top 10 Reasons Good People Don’t Always Win (Part 2 of a 10-part series)

Lack of—or Erroneous—Beliefs

The fact is, people who consistently achieve their goals think differently than those who don’t. They have different beliefs and they focus on different things.

Our beliefs affect our thoughts, our thoughts drive our feelings and our feelings determine the actions we take—or don’t take. The genesis of our results is our beliefs—or lack thereof.

So lack of—or erroneous—beliefs is the second biggest reason why smart, hard-working, well intentioned people don’t always succeed.

If you don’t believe you will win, you’ll never try. You have to believe that you will prevail, you have to believe in your path, and you have to believe in yourself.

Of course, no accomplishment is guaranteed. But you have to have some reasonable expectation you can hit your target—otherwise, why bother.

If someone else has accomplished what you want to accomplish, you know it can be done. And if it’s never been done, you can be first.

Do whatever you need to do to get your belief to a point where you know you can do it.

“To accomplish great things, we must not only act,
but also dream; not only plan, but also believe.”

—Anatole France

In 1969, the New York Mets won the World Series. Until then, this hapless team—only 7 years old—had been the laughing stock of the league. One day, Tug McGraw, their pitcher, said to his team, “You gotta believe.” For some reason, the media picked up on this. So did the fans. And that whole summer the slogan became the mantra for a world championship.

So, like the Met’s, You Gotta Believe.

Beliefs Create Our Attitude and Outlook Toward Life
The story is told of a traveler, who upon approaching a great city, asked a man by the wayside, “What are the people like in this city?”

The wise, old man responded, “How were the people where you came from?”

“A terrible bunch,” the traveler responded. “Mean, untrustworthy, detestable in all respects.”

“Well,” said the sage, “You’ll find them much the same in the city ahead.”

Soon after the first traveler had gone, another one stopped and also inquired about the people in the nearby city. Again, the old man asked about the people in the place from which the  traveler had come.

“They were fine people: honest, industrious and generous to a fault. I was sorry to leave,” declared the second traveler.

The sage responded, “And so you will find them in the city ahead.”

Our beliefs—and our expectations created by our beliefs—are powerful things indeed. What you believe dramatically affects your life.

I’m fond of saying, “We don’t always get what we want, but we almost always get what we expect.”

And yet, how often do we seriously examine what we believe to be true? Could you articulate what you believe in your heart?

My research has shown that successful people—those who consistently achieve what they set out to do—have different beliefs than those who are unsuccessful.

Some of these beliefs came from their background. Many of them were picked up from their parents. Others were acquired later in life. They chose them.

They don’t begrudge the success of others. They don’t expect something for nothing.

They believe that opportunities abound in any economy. They have a consciousness of abundance. They are generous. They believe in patience.

And, they believe in themselves. They expect to win.

Example: It’s very common for first-generation immigrants to America to be more economically successful than their American native counterparts.

The reason is they expect to succeed. They perceive America as a land of opportunity, and they work hard to take advantage of it. They’ve been told that anyone can be successful. They succeed because they believe they will.

 

“To believe in the things you can see and touch is no belief at all:
but to believe in the unseen is a triumph and a blessing.”

—Abraham Lincoln

Our beliefs create our view of the world.

Many people think they ARE their beliefs. They think that what they believe is who they are.

But we are not our beliefs. We have beliefs. And we have choice—if we’re aware—of what we believe and what we want to believe.

 

“The thing always happens that you really believe in;
and the belief in a thing makes it happen.”

—Frank Lloyd Wright

Installing New Belief Systems

Be open to new ideas and new beliefs. One person described insanity as doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results. If that’s the case, holding the same unhelpful and damaging beliefs will likely produce the same results. Expecting them to do differently is well, crazy.

It’s imperative that we stay aware of beliefs that no longer serve us and open ourselves to ideas and beliefs that support us in being our best.

Hold fast to those beliefs that work and be willing to discard those that don’t.

Sounds easy, doesn’t it—but observe how rarely this is done.

 

“One person with a belief is equal to a force of
ninety-nine who have only interest.”

—John Stewart Mill

Affirmations

When we choose to embrace a more effective belief, we often have to integrate it into our psyche, and affirmations can be very effective.

We don’t say affirmations to make them true; we say them because they’re true. The intention is to convince ourselves of what we know to be true.

Tony Robbins says, “All personal breakthroughs begin with a change in beliefs.” I agree.

We must stand guard at the door of our mind. What we listen to, what we read, who we hang out with and what we think about affects our beliefs. By being aware and mindful of what we believe, we can position ourselves to succeed and live more balanced and fulfilling lives.

Resources

  • Awaken the Giant Within, by Anthony Robbins
    Effective strategies and techniques for mastering your emotions, your body, your relationships, your finances and your life.
  • Our all-new Best Life Navigator™ is launching November 15th. Think of it as your Swiss Army Knife for creating an exceptional life. It’s a place where you can journal and store your list of beliefs—what you stand for and what you care deeply about. It has a place for your personal creed. In addition, it allows you to keep these lists front and center. It has all the tools you need for your success—all in one place.
  • Your Core Values. Our most popular course helps you discover your top 5 core values which makes every decision you make for the rest of your life MUCH easier.

 

“He can who thinks he can, and he can’t who thinks he can’t.
This is an inexorable, indisputable law.”

—Henry Ford

Take Action

  1. Continue adding to your Dream List.
  2. Begin to select some of the most important of them as potential goals.
  3. Narrow that list to three goals.
  4. For each of your top goals, write down the reasons why you want to achieve it. List all the benefits and pay-offs to accomplishing the goal.
  5. Make a list of all of your beliefs. Here are some questions to ask yourself:
  • What are my empowering beliefs?
  • Which ones support me?
  • What do I stand for?
  • What are my Core Values?
  • What are my dis-empowering beliefs?
  • Which beliefs detract from my success?

Stay tuned for the next installment of The Top 10 Reasons Good People Don’t Always Win. Do you have a guess as to what might be the next of the Top 10 Reasons?

Please Tell Us What You Think
Please add your comments, questions and suggestions at the bottom of this post. Your feedback and engagement is important. If you disagree with anything, say so. If you have questions, ask. If you have additional insights or resources, please share. I promise to read every one. Thank you.

BTW, you’ll gain even greater value from this series if you have a copy of my book, The Achievement Code: The 3C Formula for Getting What You Truly Want (available in print or Kindle). Details at www.TheAchievementCode.com

 

“Your chances of success in any undertaking can
always be measured by your belief in yourself.”

— Robert Collier